23 February 2009

Ang Dynamics ng Taguan

Ayoko talagang naglalaro ng taguan. Una, hindi ako magaling maghanap ng prime spot para taguan. Tatlo lang naman yan: sa bubong ng kapitbahay, sa likod ng kotse ng kapitbahay o di kaya naman sa mga halaman ng kapitbahay. Yan ay kung hindi ako corny na nakatayo lang sa likod nung taya, na kadalasan ay nakatukod sa isang poste ng Meralco, sabay pagbanggit niya nung “Sampu!” bigla akong hahawak sa poste at sisigaw ng “Save!”

Oo na, alam kong may kadupangan akong bata. Sabihin niyong hindi niyo rin ginawa yun. Well, sige with the exception of those na hindi happy childhood at hindi nakapaglamyerda at hindi naka-experience na madugyot sa kalye.

Going back, never akong nagtago na malayo sa taya kasi gusto ko malapit lang ang tatakbuhin ko once na lumayo na siya. Ang drawback, dahil sa malapit ako malamang yung pwesto ko rin ang una niyang makikita.

Pangalawa, kung ako naman ang taya, hindi ko rin makuhang lumayo doon sa aking base kasi nga eh baka maunahan ako. Ang taba ko pa man ding bata kaya hindi talaga ako mabilis tumakbo. Ang ending? Tinatawag na kami ng mga nanay, yaya, lola, boy at aso namin eh wala pa ring lumalabas sa pinagtataguan nila.

Fast-forward to present. Hindi pa rin ako magaling magtago.

I was never the confrontational type. Mas gugustuhin ko pang umakyat at mag-hibernate sa Mt. Tralala kaysa mapahiya o maglabas ng galit. Ewan ko nga ba kung may inferiority complex nga ba ako. Ako na nga ang na-atraso, ako pa rin ang nagtatago.

Kung ewan ko nga ba naman at kung bakit kapag hinahanap mo eh hindi mo makita (parang mga gamit lang na nagkalat sa kwarto ko na feeling ko may enkantong naglalaro sa’kin kaya kinakausap ko sila at nakikita ko naman) at kapag gusto mo naman iwasan eh parang sinasadya talaga ni Lord na matigil kayo sa parehong bus stop. O di kaya naman magkatapat sa isang elevator. O ang dahilan kung bakit ko sinusulat ‘to, mapadpad sa iisang parking lot.

Mag-multiple choice tayo ano nga ba ang rason mo sa pag-iwas:

Galit – dahil sa nagngingitngit ka sa sama ng loob, hibla pa lang ng buhok niya eh kitang-kita ng nagliliyab ang mga mata mo kaya ayaw mo na siya Makita forever and ever.

Hiya
– may mga bagay kayong hindi na-resolve o may mga salitang nabitawang hindi naman dapat sinabi kaya wala ka ng mukhang maihaharap sa kanya

Kasi alam mong yun ang tama
– sa kwentong kayo na lang ang nakakaalam basta yun ang mas makakabuti sa’yo at sa kanya.

Kahit ano pa yan, sa mga ganitong pagkakataon ko na-tetest ang tatlong bagay:

1. Gut Feel / Intuition
For some reason ay lumalakas talaga ang pakiramdam mo na parang asong nakakaamoy ng buto. Yung tipong hindi ka mapakali kasi you just know that something’s going to be wrong. Pakiwari ko’y nakahithit ako ng dinikdik na albatross na inilagay ko sa palara, sinindihan at hinithit. Ganoong level ng kapraningan.

2. Reflexes
Ihinahalintulad ko ‘to sa automatic na pagbitaw sa mainit na takure. Ay talaga nga namang nag-wi-widen ang pupils ko sa mga ganitong sitwasyon, at talagang na-aappreciate ko ang neck exercises at agility kong umikot ng 360 degrees in a snap of a finger. Tipong maaninag mo pa lang yung camisa de chino eh about face ka na.Ang problema, paano kung nauna kang makita? Yung tipong isang minuto na pala siyang nasa vicinity bago mo napansin.

Dito papasok yung pangatlo.

3. Acting Abilities
Mega-pretend ka na lang na hindi mo siya nakita. Ipagdasal mo na lang na hindi magtama yung mga mata niyo para wala masyadong effort pa na umismid at magtaas ng kilay tapos umeffort ka na ipamukha na normal ang iyong daily activities at hindi sa kanya tumitigil ang pag-ikot ni Mother Earth. Sabi nga nila, happiness is the greatest revenge.

Yun lang, medyo pathetic noh?

You know what’s the big joke about this? Though alam mo naman sa sarili mo na gusto mo talagang umiwas, mas gusto mong iparamdam sa other party na umiiwas ka. In the back of your mind this is some lame excuse para makita mo siya. Aminin…guilty. Masakit man sa pride tanggapin, umiiwas ka para magpapansin. Well at least honest, in full fairness. At ang mas nakakatawa (at nakakapang-galaiti) dyan, todo effort kang mag-inarte habang wala naman talaga siyang pakealam kung ok ba kayo o hinde. Keber ng bonggang-bongga. May ruffles pa.

Dati iniisip ko na ako ang dapat magparamdam ng galit kasi ako ang dinehado. Eh kamote naman, syempre alam ko na ngang invertebrate kaya walang spinal cord causing non-existence of the nervous system, eh umasa pa akong may pakiramdam. Kumbaga kung gusto mo siyang burahin sa mundo mo, ay matagal ka na pala niyang nailagay sa kahon ng old files for warehousekeeping. Kung i-co-compare ka sa fashion trends, “You are so last year.”

Instead of actually trying to get him out of your system, sa kagustuhan mong i-prove sa sarili mo (much more sa kanya actually) that you have indeed moved on, ang nangyayari nag-iiba tuloy ang schedule at activities mo. Yung mga lugar na wala ka namang problema tambayan hindi mo na nagagawang puntahan ng walang nagliliparang tutubi sa sikmura mo. Ang mas nakakalungkot, yung mga taong common sa inyo, naisasakripisyo mo dahil lang sa isang nilalang na pakiramdam ay biyaya siya ng Diyos sa kababaihan.

Para saan nga ba lahat? Para sa pride? Yung para kang batang inaway ng kalaro tapos nung nasugatan yung tuhod nagsisigaw ng "Nyenyenye hindi naman masakit!" Pero pag-uwi ng bahay pihadong itatapat sa electric fan habang ngumangawang parang bakang kinakatay.

Siguro nga for show din lang talaga minsan. Baka sakali nga naman na maloko mo rin ang sarili mo sa pinag-gagagawa mo.

I guess you can never really run away from something like this for much too long but it’s always up to you kung kelan mo gusto mag-mane obra at banggain ang nasa kabilang lane. Pero hindi naman tayo nagmamadali diba? Kanya-kanyang pacing lang yan, mas mabuti nang na-sort out mo na at coherent na lahat ng thoughts mo kaysa sumugod ka ng walang kalaban-laban. Timing friends. Timing. Sasaan ba at darating din tayo dyan. Nabasa ko nga sa favorite literary work ko na Cosmo na “Instead of seeing yourself as the victim, cast yourself as someone who’s triumphed over a painful experience.” O diba shala?!

So ano nga pala ang sagot ko sa multiple choice?

Letter C – kasi alam kong yun ang tama. Sa ngayon hindi pa napapanahong makipag-usap at bumalik sa normal kasi unhealthy pa. Hindi ko pa rin alam kung nasaan ako ngayon pagdating sa bagay na ‘yan. Mahirap kasi magpaka-objective at isaksak sa utak na ‘eto ang dapat mong gawin tapos in the end ma-tru-trump naman ng hypothalamus (sorry geeky; sa human anatomy this organ is supposedly responsible for our emotions) ang brain cells. Kaya saka na ako lalabas sa lungga ko at sa ngayon ay gusto ko pang magtago. Saka na ako sisigaw ng “Save!”

Pahirapan muna natin yung taya sa kahahanap.

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21 February 2009

Splurging, Saving and Being the Rule

Look at this coat. This is a polyester trench from Banana Republic costing $175.



Well, well, well what do we have here...don't they look the same?


But wait...



No wonder they look the same...it is the same trenchcoat!

Now how much did this cost me? 1,200 pesos. Calculating that $175 = 8,200 Php plus customs and tax, Philippine price would go over 10,000 Php. This is by far the biggest steal that I own.


How about this:



This is a Bisou Bisou Maxi dress priced at $80 (a little under 4000 Php) and I was able to get it the red version at 800 Php. I am truly amazed. WOW.

And take note: both are brand new

*****
I had a massage with Welai (officemate) at Slimmer's World Trafalgar earlier courtesy of Ma'am Sally. I had high hopes since I know that my muscles had been screaming for pampering for the longest time now. At saka ang dami ko na atang lamig sa katawan nyahaha.

The problem with setting high expectations is you end up feeling quite disappointed. I was not even relaxed; my head felt squeashed afterwards that I thought of taking Advil.

And that's not a good sign for business.

*****



We watched He's Just Not That Into You at Greenbelt 1 after since we were not able to make the 6:25 screening at Greenbelt 3. I actually was able to read the e-book last month and I was able to relate hardcore to some of the scenarios.

It is truly funny how women tend to make the dumbest excuses when in reality we do know deep inside that this is not how it's supposed to be. We just have this fascination with being retards in denial.

Girls, I tell you the plot in those chick flicks are so unrealistic. As the book said: You are not the exception. You are the rule.

This is not Oscar material but you just got to experience the cringing whenever the Gigi character desperately throws herself off to every man out there. This is a fun movie.

But God how I hate (Ralph Fiennes) ----> duh! rereading this bakit nga ba siya naisulat ko? I meant the Bradley Cooper character.

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20 February 2009

Where Are You Sleeping Now?

I've been contemplating on moving to Makati these past few weeks. I've been really stressed with getting to work at 8 AM that I have been sacrificing precious sleeping time. The first plan was to move in with Ann (orgmate) and her housemates since they have been wanting to move out of their apartment due to certain differences with their "landlord." But then since not all of them works in Makati (one is in Ortigas while the other is in Q.C.) they should find a location that would render them equal distances and fair share of commuting stress.

Their plan: Mandaluyong.

So no thanks for me. First if ever I do move out of the house, I would make sure that I get the most strategic location so that I can get the value of my money. How do I define "getting my money's worth"? A fifteen-minute-max-traffic-free travel to work and vice versa.

Now Ann (this time the cousin) offered the other room of the apartment in which she would move in to in April. I've been weighing the pros and cons.

Pros:
a. it is just a jeep ride away from the office
b. I wouldn't have to worry about stuff such as ref, tv, internet, rice cooker etc.
c. she has a helper

Cons:
a. it would cost me 4,000 pesos plus electricity

And with that I take a step back. Whew that's quite huge.

Now on to the next option. I was able to find this two-storey house with two bedrooms which only costs 10,000 pesos in V. Cruz extension (For those who cannot picture the location go find it in Wikimapia kiddos) which is a good 5 minute walk to RCBC wherein I would take the jeep that would pass right in front of the office. Since Rupert seemed to be also interested in moving to Makati, I asked him to accompany me and go see it. My plan is to have four occupants: 2 girls in one room and 2 guys in the other.

So who are my potential housemates? Cherrys, Rupert and Narod.

I thought of Narod because there was this one swimming session wherein he told Ann that if ever they decide to move out of their apartment, he wants to join them. What is the ultimate advantage of having Narod as a housemate? He would furnish the house. Now who doesn't want that?

Anyway back to the house hunt, apparently the 10,000 peso space was already taken and what's available is the one that costs 8,500. I decided to forego; with the way it looked, it's not worth that amount anyway.

Actually this is the most feasible solution:

My former officemate at MVC, Ate Rose, accepts transients meaning that I only pay her when I sleep at her house. The good thin about that though is if you are in for the long haul, you get to mark your butt in your bed. It's yours and you get to have a key of the room and the house. I pay her 60/night (as she says this is a friend rate) and the location is just right. It's on the other side of Buendia that's overflowing woth jeepneys. I decided to give it a try last night and slept at Mother's room.




I woke up at 6:30, left about an hour after and arrived at the office ten minutes after.

I laveht!

*****
I have this arm problem. I've been feeling, how do you call it, "pinching needles" on my left arm since Monday afternoon. You know the sensation of sort of like being electrecuted that you feel at the soles of your feet? Imagine that on your arm.

At first I thought that maybe I just was not sleeping in the right position, but when Wednesday came and my condition has not changed, I decided to have it checked by our doctor.

Here's the diagnosis:

1. The muscles on the left part of my back are more tense than the right. Quite odd since I am not a leftie.

2. I have a Vitamin B deficiency.

So I would have to religiously place a warm compress on my back three times a day and take Vitamin B complex once a day. Now let's see what happens after a week.

*****
Now why do I think that this is the best solution for now? In a month's time, I would get to begin my streak of fieldwork. If ever I do decide to move in a house with a fixed monthly rent, I would not get the most out of it.

I'm actually ecstatic to go to the field as I am beginning to get queasy with what I am currently doing. Though I know that technically it cannot be classified as travelling, I would really want to leave for a while and get really busy.



Change of environment. Yeah, I think that's exactly what I need.

*****
I ate at the newly-opened North Park at Leviste with Mother Alma and Mommy Marix today. Oh my God they freaking suck in service!




Why?

1. We asked for soup the moment we gave our order. We billed out and we did not even know what their soup for the day was. We followed this up seven times!

2. They are totally undermanned. This girl who got our order also cleaned the table, served the tea, served our order, got water etc. that she probably must have felt dizzy after her shift.

3. Our food came one by one. So much for variance on my plate.

I swear never to eat there again.

*****
I just received my company phone this morning: SE K530i. Too bad that my department had just requested that auditors would be granted a line when the executives decided to shift from Smart to Globe and guess what the new phones are?

Effin' Blackberries. Shoot. Now we just have to salivate for a year more.

*****
Today's my sister's birthday and where is she anyway?! I want to have cake!


Happy Birthday Julienne!
*****
I've been playing EBTG's Cross My Heart in my mind for quite sometime hence the title of this post. I must admit that I have been doing a lot of serious thinking the moment I heard of this information yesterday.

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do.

Photos from flickr.com
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14 February 2009

Random Mumblings on the Eve of Heart's Day

For some reason, I’ve been really tired the whole week, maybe tired is an understatement; exhausted might be the more appropriate term. I think I’ve overdone my workouts that my muscles are getting sore.

Anyway tomorrow is heart’s day and my father asked me to buy flowers for my mom. Goodness, flowers are a priced commodity at this time of the month and I am just worried about looking pathetic buying flowers though I know that I have a legitimate reason for doing so. I dunno, it just doesn’t feel right.

But since my mom and I had this huge argument early this morning which started from wheat bread and escalated to the heavens, I might as well do so. Take it from me kiddos, you can never win an argument with your parents and in this scenario we are always in the wrong. It doesn’t help that my pride is as high as her pride, but then come to think of it where did I inherit that from anyway? It’s stressful and I hate it. But in the spirit of pacifying (like this is a major “duh” statement) all right I concede.

*****

Yesterday I was supposed to go to Dangwa with Ann (college orgmate). First, in order to get the freshest picks and it’s always nice to have a huge selection and second, to save. Yeah, I love flowers but not when I am the one buying it. But then Ann forgot to advise me earlier with this one very important detail: that her phone was not with her.

I went to MVC at around 5 PM and decided to wait for her there, since we have quite a history of extensive waiting times. I told her that I would go to MSE at around 5:30 because I don’t want to stay late at Dangwa. So I was calling her for one whole hour until I gave up. I actually thought that she might be in an emergency meeting or something that’s why she cannot answer my calls. Frankly, I was irritated because I was really excited to go to Dangwa and that’s a good twenty laps wasted.

Good thing that Raymund and Monette (MVC officemates) were going to Landmark to buy more stuff for their Valentine thingamajig at MVC so to vent out my frustration, I decided to go with them and eat dinner.

*****

Supposedly Monette’s plan for her Valentine project was a dating game wherein I would be the searcher. My first reaction was: Huwaaaat????

Knowing Monette, the dating game would be fraud. Nangangamoy luto.

But since Sir Eric (MVC’s HR manager) intervened, the plan was scrapped and I would be the host instead (this “supposedly” I don’t know according to Monette.)

*****

Look who I found on the jeep home.

I bumped into Angelo (neighbor/childhood friend/currently best guy friend) inside the jeep last night. It was an odd but agood time to catch up.

Libre pamasahe pa!

*****

52 days without talking…It’s hard man. It’s effing hard. But a girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do…


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06 February 2009

Let's Buy More Blush Ons!

Nakakatawa 'to.

I was flipping the pages of this month's issue of Cosmo when I stumbled upon this random showbiz info. Sabi ni Karylle na ang therapy niya sa breakup nila ni Dingdong Dantes ay magpaganda.



You can never be sure of guys but you can always depend on your blush ons.

Ay wagi ang lola niyo! Tingnan nga natin kung makapag-bitaw ng ganyang ka-witty na statement yang si Marian Rivera. I hate her sorry sa fans kung meron man haha!

Nung college, nag-me-make up pa ko bago mag-exam. Minsan nga nag-plaplantsa pa ako ng buhok kahit pa the whole time ay nakayuko lang nama ako at ang nakaka-silay lang ng pin-straight hair ko ay ang yellow paper na naglalaman ng solutions ko. Ang logic? At least kahit bumagsak ka, maganda ka naman!

I've always loved make-up and dolling myself up. Hindi ako mapakali kapag hindi ako nakapag-powder at mascara. Batang maarte lang siguro talaga ako. I remember back in college na kapag may mga induction ball, debut at kung ano pang chever na nangangailangan ng pag-aayos ay nagiging salon ang apartment ko. May career na nga raw ako kapag hindi ako naka-graduate. Mag-ve-venture na lang ako sa hair and make-up.

Actually totoo yung sinabi niya, magandang therapy talaga ang beautification. Iba ang sense of fulfillment ko kapag natatapos ako ng aking 40 minute non-stop run or ng 20 laps sa pool. For some reason, natural high siya eh; may feeling na alam mong may kahihinatnan ka after. I would not take matters sitting down. Nek-nek mo. Magtuos na lang tayo after one year. May timeframe daw talaga?

Anyway, yun yung goal setting ko. Though hindi naman talaga siya effort for me kasi I've always been athletic so enjoy akong ginagamit ang muscles ko. Plus, stress reliever din naman siya sa napaka-hectic na work life. At tandaan, momentary lang ang epekto ng kape. Galaw-galaw para dumaloy ang dugo. Makinig ka pa sa lecheng kanta ni Vhong Navarro kung gusto mo.

Generally, enjoy din naman ako sa aking healthy eating kahit pa medyo nabubutas na ang bulsa ko sa mahal ng letsugas. I've recently cut down my intake of rice (actually lunch ng Sabado na lang ata ako kumakain ng kanin) and I'm getting rid of the bad carbs. I'm stocking our kitchen cabinet with wheat bread, oatmeal, potatoes at would you believe kamote? Okay myth lang yang gas-releasing component ng kamote, or maybe hindi lang siya applicable sa'kin. Pwede na rin akong mag-endorse ng century tuna at araw-araw ay tuna sandwich ang dinner ko which is before tumakbo ng Monday and Wednesday and after mag-swim ng Tuesday and Thursday. Surprisingly hindi pa naman ako nasusulasok sa kanya.



Yun lang kanina hindi ko mawari pero nag-crave talaga ako sa chocolate, at dahil sosyal ang canteen namin ang closest thing to that ay Hany. So sige pinatos ko na, give in to the craving at mas lalo kang mag-pi-pig out. Hindi lang siguro talaga appetizing ang singkamas sa'kin kanina.

*****
Last Tuesday may nagsabi sa'kin sa elevator "Wow ang sipag mo naman. Jog at swim magkasunod na araw pa."

Then sabi ni Beth (officemate): "Kakailanganin mo muna ng matinding motivation"

Sa loob loob ko: "Naku huwag mo ng pangarapin ang motivation ko."

But then may maganda rin pala siyang naidulot sa'kin. Eh 'di dahil sa mga bagay-bagay at sa galit ko eh talaga nga namang ginusto ko ng total makeover. At mapapakinabangan ko yan bandang May.


Panglao here I come!!!

*****
Okay may exceptions naman ako sa pinag-gagagawa ko. Kapag may occassion: kasal, binyag, debut etc., non-existent ang diet. Ibang usapan na yan.

Bakit?

Aba eh hindi ka naman nakakain ng ganon madalas. At besides...libre yun noh.
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02 February 2009

Going Down

Okay this is nothing new but I would write about it anyway. Pasintabi na lang kung medyo mag-dre-drain muna ako ng strength ninyo. I've been avoiding to rant and be an emotional vampire so dinadaan ko na lang sa sarcasm. (Ehem Ayen tabi-tabi po..hahaha)

Again we enter the "love" month. Today's the first day of February and what do you know? I am still single. Wow bagong-bago...

I guess we've all heard of the so-what-if-you-are-single talk (applicable for the singles lang syempre) but at the end of the day, when you sleep at night it could really be lonely. Huwag tayong ipokrito, totoo yan. You would really have one of those days. Especialy kung ganito ang sitwasyong tatambang sa'yo:

Last Wednesday I was jogging in Velazquez Park whe I saw this group of yayas in blue scrubs getting chummy chummy with this group of security guards. Pustahan, kanya-kanyang loveteam yan. Sa assessment ko, nasa tweetums stage na sila (na actually hindi bagay kasi ang tatanda na nila ate at kuya.)

Then it hit me. Pucha buti pa yung mga yaya may love life. Buti pa sila may tweetums stage. Tapos natigilan ako kasi muntik ko ng mabangga yung batang Korean na nagdradrawing sa semento.

I actually wrote about this before, how it sucks na yung katulong ng kapitbahay nakapagpalit na ng tatlong boyfriend. Tipong kahit gaano ka ka-confident sa sarili mo, you'll end up doubting everything about yourself. Then the insecurities creep like ooze into your pores.

Modesty aside, I have been told that I am actually quite a nice package; that I possess a good balance of the physical and the intellect. Naks! Ang angas noh? Pero in truth, malaking tulong yung mga ganitong bagay sa isang deteriorating na self-esteem. But then things like this would make you question. In spite of that, kung totoo nga yan, why don't I still have someone to text good night before I drift off to sleep? Or that someone who will just assure me that everything will be okay after a long stressful day? Sure. We could go on forever on why you don't need someone to complete you. I totally agree with that. My point here is that it would just be nice to have someone.

For heavens sake, bente-kwatro na ako and all I have been getting are scraps. Scrap na nga, may kalawang pa.Tama ba naman yun?

Balikan natin yung argument that everything will come at the right place and time. Teka lang ha, eh ilang taon ko na yata naririning yang "Darating din yan..." Sige, think positive na lang. But truthfully, medyo nakakainip na. Kumusta naman na pati yung tatay ko tinatanong ako kung wala pa rin ba akong boyfriend. Tatay ko na yun ha.

So what got me into writing this?

One, I feel like I am going on a downward spiral. I'm not getting anywhere with this thing that I have been going through. One statement that I really would have to agree with was written by Bianca Gonzales. Sabi niya na kahit ilang advice pa ang ibigay sayo, may tatagos, may tatatak pero walang makakatulong sa sarili mo kundi ikaw lang.

Moving on is not supposed to be planned. It would just happen. Hindi mo pwedeng sabihin na dapat after three months okay na ako ulet. Each person, iba-ibang pacing yan. Sad to say for me, it's taking to be much longer than I expected. Sa palagay ko hinihinog ko sa pilit, ginagamitan ko pa nga ng kalburo eh.

Two, I realized that I may be going on a rebound. Maganda dyan, not just one but two. I have been forcing myself to like this other person. I guess that's not harmful at all. Eh alam ko namang linoloko ko lang sarili ko, for entertainment purposes na lang. Yung isa ang medyo mali talaga ata. No I take it back. Mali talaga.

I don't want to find myself in a situation na nagpapa-asa ako ng tao kasi being on the other end of the spectrum, alam ko naman kung gaano kasakit yun. Good thing I won't get to see that person as much.

So yun. I hope that someone out there would get to save me from this downward spiral. Nakakainggit kasi sila ate at kuya.

Pero hindi ako naiinggit na boyfriends nila yung troop ng security guards.
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